I keep staring at the calendar in shock, disbelief,
anger, and sadness. I have such an awareness of time at this point that I'm
freaking out. I have no time left in South Africa, in Cape Town, and it's
already making me sad with 8 weeks to go. I can't imagine not waking up with
Table Mountain outside my window, outside my door. I can't imagine not having
the freedom to cook, exercise, clean, and just be my own human self every day
with everything that comes with going home and back to UConn. I must be at some
point in the culture shock or study abroad weirdness, but here I am.
I think that something that is currently bothering me
is homesickness, which sounds backwards and contrary since I just wrote above
about not wanting to leave and being sad about the idea of leaving. But then
there is watching everyone's families come for the next few weeks and I am
wondering what it would be like if my family came. That everyone has these
plans and gets to share this with loved ones, and I cannot. Its moments like these
when I miss home particularly. I feel sometimes like I'm hiding in this South
African bubble, being shielded from all the things going on at home. And then
there is this bubble I'm currently in that is being filled with so much new
knowledge. So when I finally go home and my bubble pops, I wonder what the
result will be. Will it be overwhelming? Will it be enlightening? I am not sure
what to expect.
I am part of this place now but wonder what my place
is at home anymore. I feel far away, but so close. It's quite a strange string
of opposites and I'm not sure how to contend. I hope that the next few weeks
bring more clarity, which seems to be a trademark of this trip.
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